:: GussetBLOG ::

:: Tuesday, April 01, 2003 ::

Christ, Popcorn takes a couple of days holiday and I'm out of the office for a few days and the whole thing falls apart.

Axis of Evil Wannabees

by John Cleese


Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya,
China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just
as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid
Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the
Union address.


Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as
evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.
"Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil . . .
we're the best."


Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,
although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of
Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar
al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than three countries", explained
Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In
World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So,
you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."


International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as
within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations
rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of
geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had
formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda
and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria,
Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as
Just Generally Disagreeable". With the criteria suddenly expanded and
all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and
Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst
But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics".


Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are
Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About
America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis
of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat,
really, just something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First
Minister Jack McConnell.


While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps
making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis,
although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose
Names End in 'Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false
application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the
charges.


Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them

:: Dan 1.4.03 [Arc]    ::
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