:: GussetBLOG ::

:: Tuesday, December 16, 2003 ::

One of my parents neighbours have sent their Christmas cards out with their usually family newsletter egotistically inserted. This year’s newsletter seems to be even more nauseatingly full of pomp and self-congratulation than ever before. The thing was also crammed to the hilt with grammatically errors, which isn’t something I can normally feel justified in complaining about but on this occasion I felt compelled to correct them all with red pen and anonymously drop it back through their door. Amanda stopped me doing this, so instead here is my draft of the response newsletter they won’t be getting in return:

Dear friends and neighbours
(and some other people but I can’t remember who you are),

So I can’t believe it, here we are again and I’m writing another load of nauseating waffle about how wonderful our lives are and why yours is so meaningless and futile, but hey, that’s enough about you! So, what have we been up to in the last year?

Our travels around Europe in the spring took in the Netherlands and Germany. All of those “fairy tale” castles of Ludvig II we were taken to really were very average. I would expect our sausage scoffing neighbours to have made much more of an effort for us really.

And our travels around the South West over the summer gave us the opportunity to drop by Padstow to give Rick Stein some pointers on his Oysters Charentaise, Dover Sole Meunière and Roast Tronçon of Turbot. He seems to have taken my advice and they are apparently now outselling all of his previously most popular dishes.

Amanda’s work in the retail trade has earned her another promotion (we won’t mention the retail giant she now near as damn runs, no name dropping here thank you very much!) Despite the company’s insistence that she deserved to take a break, perhaps to go travelling, she passed on the opportunity as visiting all of these foreign places is so passé, after everything we’ve already seen this year the idea seemed so tiresome.

Le Gousset completed their gruelling UK tour with a spectacular home coming concert and record ticket sales. This was followed by a two-hour retrospective special on BBC 1 hosted by our lifelong friend and admirer Mr John Peel. Sean has developed a very delicate touch on the Theremin which I have to say brings a tear to the eye.

The American refuge we adopted is now safely back home with his family. Without my mothers unstinting generosity I don’t think he would have made it. He spoke warmly of his time at Smyth Heights as the most peaceful of his life.

Of course, a damp dirty rag was lightly smeared over the year by all of those harrowing pictures of the war in Iraq. I frequently found myself moved to change the channel and watch another episode of Murder She Wrote, much more cheery.

As I write this I wonder what the New Year will hold for us, and what delights you will be looking forward to reading about this time next year,

Yours belittlingly,



Lord Pope

:: Dan 16.12.03 [Arc]    ::
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