:: GussetBLOG ::

:: Friday, February 14, 2003 ::

No, I wouldn’t be arsed to do that, I just cut and paste them out of emails.

:: Dan 14.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Oooh! Somebody can type jokes in from FHM

:: Spokesy 14.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Joke:

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, she agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."

"Okay, what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co - workers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep

:: Dan 14.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Things that may lessen the chances of getting cancer: Red wine, fresh fruit, diarrhea.

:: popcorn 14.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Find out what the CIA thinks about us (the UK that is, not Gusset!) here.

Check the quote from the AA person in the Plimsole Bridge story on Daves local news link below, it's hilarious.

:: Dan 14.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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At last, something to take to the pub, that may combat the affects of beer goggles. Shame you'll look like a tit sat next to it.

:: popcorn 14.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Quiet day at the Blog?
No wonder, you boring NTL discussive types! goddamit!

Do you need a guitarist for the gig at all?

Check out some local news.....

:: Dash 14.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Yeah it's my Friday in work unfortunately. I'll pop over to your place sometime to have a listen to the new stuff.

Brief Gusset Flash: We should have another gig coming up in March. We have been "penciled in" to support Knifehandchop at the Take 5 Cafe in Stokes Croft, Bristol, on 27th March. More news as it happens. Remember, you heard it here first! (Except Sean who I emailed it to earlier)

:: Dan 13.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Quiet day on the BLOG.

Good news on the mixers Popey.

Are you working this friday?

I've amended some tracks and been working on some new samples for new tracks.

:: Spokesy 13.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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For those who care, I've sold my Behringer mixer and bought a new Soundcraft Spirit SX. It's much smaller and now even fits in my car! And it weighs less than the power supply did for the Behringer. So now I can actually use it, get it to gigs, band camp etc. Now I just have to decide how to christen it...

:: Dan 13.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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How big is this camera?

And I can't see Telewest pumping any money into NTL, they're both up shit creek financially. I'm going with the making it impossible to cancel conspiracy theory.

:: Dan 12.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Not had any time to look at the site code yet, as have started the OU course (The guy who wrote Monty Mole is in my tutor group!). If the missus goes away this weekend then I'll have a go then, might be doable with a little JS bowser detection.

I don't mind if Telewest take over NTL, then they might actually pump some money into the infrastructure and make it able to withstand the traffic. Did you read any of the comments on dont-pay-ntl? There's a great one where someone email the boss and said "I don't feel that
comparing yourselves to BT whether in defence or formulating policy is something ntl should do. If you're going to start here, then please arrange for all customer service advisors to be multi-skilled; calls to be answered within twenty seconds and far more intelligent use of AVR than you currently demonstrate."

This was the bosses reply:
"Fair enough. Sorry and point taken.
A."


On a totaly separate matter, my PC now has a big window and is glowing blue. (yes, cut me in half and I'll have "geek" writen through me like a stick of Weston rock). Might post pics tomorrow, if I can be arsed lugging the camera from work.

:: popcorn 12.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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I thought I’d escaped NTL when I moved out of Manchester. Admittedly, I took two months to stop them billing me because every time I phoned up to cancel I was put through to someone who’s job was to offer incentives for me to stay with them. “I am moving to Bristol and you don’t have a service there” doesn’t sway them much, although they eventually had to admit “oh, you want to cancel for real? [long silence] I don’t know who to put you through to then?”
I say, “But you are the cancellation team aren’t you?”
“Yes, but we can’t actually cancel subscriptions, we just have to convince you not to cancel”
I had this conversation with about half a dozen different “cancellation teams” before they finally admitted they would have to come and pick the STB up and actually cancel the service, although still charged me for 30 days after picking up the box!
(I’ve heard Phil had even more problems cancelling his AOL subscription when he moved to Germany, but that’s another story.)
So anyway, it looks like I may not have escaped them after all, as I’m now with the equally difficult to communicate with Telewest, who may well merge with the dreaded NTL. The only way we’ll be able to cancel now is if we move to the International Space Station! (Or, if they have that covered, Weston-super-Mare, which apparently is a black hole as far as cable services are concerned.)

:: Dan 12.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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How is this looking across different platforms now Channon? Does it still need more work or is it OK now? If it is still looking dodgy is it something we could solve just by removing the links column and putting it elsewhere on the site?

:: Dan 12.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Stolen from this weeks Onion:

Saddam Enrages Bush With Full Compliance
WASHINGTON, DC—President Bush expressed frustration and anger Monday over a U.N. report stating that Iraqi president Saddam Hussein is now fully complying with weapons inspections. "Enough is enough," a determined Bush told reporters. "We are not fooled by Saddam's devious attempts to sway world opinion by doing everything the U.N. asked him to do. We will not be intimidated into backing down and, if we have any say in the matter, neither will Saddam." Bush added that any further Iraqi attempt to meet the demands of the U.N. or U.S. will be regarded as "an act of war."

Laid-Off Zoologist Goes On Tranquilizing Rampage
SAN DIEGO—Twelve San Diego Zoo visitors and two employees were brutally sedated Monday, when laid-off zoologist Dr. Brian Vermeer, 41, returned to his former place of work armed with a tranquilizer gun and began firing into a crowd. "It was kind of horrible," said Maria Christopher, 44, who witnessed the tranquilizing spree. "People were gently falling asleep over the course of 20 to 30 seconds everywhere." The spree ended when Vermeer turned his gun on himself, knocking himself out for half an hour.

:: Dan 12.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Channon, and any one else with cats, why not get one of these cuts?

:: Dan 12.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Channon, apparently ch4 won't include anyone who's either in jail or pending trial, hence the lack of Archer. I'm amazed at some of the inclusions; What has Andrew Davies ever done to anyone except provide top-quality tv dramatisations?

:: Simon 12.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Any other NTL customers here?

For those that don't know NTL have changed thier terms and conditions of use to include a bandwidth cap and a no VPN clause.
This goes completely against thier "unlimited" advertising. There has been an outcry from costomers, even though it won't effect most people. The mob now bays for blood.

I'm canceling this Fri, and I've only had it a month. According to my sources if they've change the terms of the service then it is no longer the service I signed for and they can't hold me to a 12mth contract. I hope that's true.

:: popcorn 11.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Just been to vote.
Why is Archer not there??

:: popcorn 11.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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snigger*

* Popcorn, ha-ha

:: Spokesy 11.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Has anyone seen any of BBC 3 yet?

Jurry's still out on Swiss Tony don't know if they'll be able to streatch it to a whole series and keep it funny.
But the first episode of Monkey Dust has me in stitches (Monkey Dust is a sieres of short animations, by different people, strung together). Some of the humour was very Chris Morris and a bit "that's just wrong" but I almost sprayed my pepsi everywhere* on at least three ocations.




* Sean, stop sniggering.

:: popcorn 11.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Could be powered over the ethernet cable (only half of the wires are used).


Your watch is a calculator, and can tell what time it is in four time zones? So? my watch can.....
If you regularly get into these kind of arguments perhaps this watch will help. That, or you could get yourself a life, one or the other, I don't care.

:: popcorn 11.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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So how's the "Digital Guitar" powered? Is there a mains lead going in there or is it powered by Magic? Oh, yeah, so it is! Can it create pure energy out of nothing as well? And does it have a talent booster?

Seems like an interesting idea though. Just, still not convinced its serious! How does it separate the signal from each string when it seems to have a humbucker pickup? (Admittedly, they could have hidden any type of pickup under a normal humbucker cover)

Aggghhhh!!!!! Why won’t that Cricket story die? Why didn’t someone step in weeks ago and cancel it because of the increased number of Cricket Induced Boredom casualties the NHS is struggling to cope with?

Spreading the word for those that don’t read GromBlog: Buzzwordometer is here. Try it on your employers web site for best effect, and not on the gusset site or the blog as the frames confuse it.

:: Dan 11.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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So you see, dear friends,

I was kinda sat here wondering how I could avoid the dreaded work business and I thought 'oh yeah, I never blog, do I?'
And the answer came right back.... So good news in the world of technology, Although it would kinda negate the awesomeness of my lovely digital amp, and probably cost about a million pounds...

Other news, in case anyone cares, I wuzz gonna put some pictures here, but that looks complicated, so just have a look here...

This is where I work!
Yay!
And you might think this is a bit mad in St Pauls, but the biggest psycho actually works in my tiny team and she has made me Public Enemy No 1
so that's nice... looks like I'll have to leave...

Oh, and Shane Warne has been kicked out of the Cricket World Cup!
still don't fancy our chances though...

:: Dash 11.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Life Explained:


PS. Have voted now (Channel 4s “Most Hated Britons” vote). Difficult decision, but I narrowed it down in the end.

:: Dan 10.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Hmm, tried voting, seems very busy. Have noted my choices and will try again later.


In the mean time, this is stolen from ntk:
Shuttle difficult to manoeuvre with infinite mass:

:: Dan 10.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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Vote now!

:: Simon 10.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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I went, with Kieron, to see Robert Newman (of Newman & Baddiel / Mary Whitehouse Experience fame) doing his new stand up show, the mildly politically titled “From Caliban to the Taliban - 500 Years of Humanitarian Intervention”, at the Comedy Box in Bedminster on Saturday night. An interesting choice of venue, he sold out two nights of about 200 seats, which makes for a much more intimate experience that at larger venues. This is something comedians are much better at doing than most musicians, forget all these old metalers or pop bands touring around blagging how busy they are, I don’t think any of them work as hard as most stand ups.

The show did manage to pull of being highly political and still funny, although no where near as well as Mark Thomas does it. It was interesting to hear his version of the story about how he and MT got arrested and “de-arrested” at the Whitehall protest last year. (RN claimed only to have been arrested twice during the day whilst MT claimed six or seven arrests!) He did do some very good material about the twin towers incident (“I forget the date”), and how all those film industry bosses had that big meeting at “the quad – formerly the pentagon” to discuss what other ideas have been presented in films that terrorists may use; “Terrorists are likely planning to develop a Dolorian car, powered by lightning hitting a clock tower, to travel back in time...”. Most of the rest of the show then talks about how history could be changed to prevent the spread of globalisation and it generally gets a bit date heavy and over detailed.

Other high points (paraphrased): “The US is determined to stop Saddam developing weapons of mass destruction which may one day be used against the US. They are also looking for a waitress by the name of Sarah Connor who may give birth to one John Connor who...etc.”

The low point was probably the, er, big ending. This was a rap, based on a CIA pamphlet, describing how people should go about trying to over throw an evil regime. As Kieron pointed out; “People with no natural rhythm should NOT rap.”

Overhead conversation:
Miserable looking fuck who never seemed to smile: “It’s a bit too political for me this.”
His slightly happier looking friend: “Yeah?”
MLFWNSTS: “It’s like that guy on Channel 4, too much politics for me.”
HSHLF: “What, Mark Thomas?”
MLFWNSTS: “No, no, the other one, um what’s his name, er, Rory Bremner, that’s it.”
HSHLF, me and everyone else in earshot: “?????????”

You van find me dates for the tour and other Rob Newman info here.

:: Dan 10.2.03 [Arc]    ::
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