:: GussetBLOG ::

:: Friday, July 11, 2003 ::

Today is World Population Day, so why not compare the estimated world population with the estimated amount of arable land on Earth?
Also: UN Population Fund, and US Census Bureau.

(Dodgy link Popcorn!)
EDIT: It didn't work for about 30secs before I fixed it (the pic that is).

:: Dan 11.7.03 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post]    ::
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I got my new server rack at work today.

Sounds you don't want hear when you're inside a server rack no 1:
*click*

I eventualy found my way out.

:: popcorn 11.7.03 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post]    ::
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Nurse! get me three units of O neg, Stat!
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Scalpel,
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Swab,
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Black & Decker

:: popcorn 11.7.03 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post]    ::
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That news story about Norweigen sperm reminds me of something. As some of you know, The Wife works in a shop. This shop was closed for a refit recently and she had to work a few shifts sat in a garden shed in the car park turning customers away and directing them to other braches. Nasty customers got gift vouchers as appeasement, nice customers got nothing, the horrible injustice of this world sickens me I tell you... Anyway, she worked three shifts in this shed, each time stuck in there with a different security guard, from a agency, all of them African in origin, don’t ask what country, I don’t know and its not relevant to the story.
Day 1:
Security Guard #1: Hello
Wifelet #1: Hello
SG1: Are you married?
W1: Yes.
SG1: You are very beautiful. You husband is very luck man.
W1: Err... thankyou.
SG1: Any children?
W1: No.
SG1: Oh. Why not?
W1: We don’t want any right now, but we have two very cute nephews blah blah.

Day 2:
Security Guard #2: Hello
Wifelet #1: Hello
SG2: Are you married?
W1 (not again?): Yes.
SG2: You are very beautiful. You husband is very luck man.
W1 (whatever): Thankyou.
SG2: Any children?
W1: No.
SG2: Oh. Why not?
W1: We don’t want any right now, but we have two very cute nephews blah blah.

Day 3:
Security Guard #3: Hello
Wifelet #1: Hello
SG3: Are you married?
W1 (here we go, reluctant sigh): Yes.
SG3: You are very beautiful. You husband is very luck man.
W1 (yeah, right. Get on with it): Thankyou.
SG3: Any children?
W1: No.
SG3: Oh. Is there something wrong with sparm?
W1 (must have misheard, must have said something about spam): What!?
SG3: You know, sparm? Biology? (Mimes sperm swimming movement with index finger)
W1: Er, no. Not as far as I know. We haven't tried.
SG3 (shocked): You haven't tried?
W1: No, err, I'm on the pill. You know, it stops it...
SG3 (puzzled): Ooh. You know that’s not good. Some women can never have children after taking that blah blah.
W1: Shut up! Leave me alone! I don’t want to talk to you about this! How dare you cast aspirations about my husband's virility!? I’m sure he could impregnate many, many, many women all at the same time if he chose to do so. Especially if they included Christina Ricci and Polly Harvey and Kate Winslet and Mutya from the Sugababes and...

OK, so I’m paraphrasing. But I’m sure the conversation ended something like that, you get the idea.

What is the obsession with having children? Why are we obliged to do it? Will we rot in some kind of elderly childless person hell for not fulfilling this obligation?

Labels: Humour, Sugababes

:: Dan 9.7.03 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post]    ::
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Film director and producer Sir Ridley Scott received his knighthood today and Andreas Whittam Smith, the former president of the British Board of Film Classification and co-founder of The Independent newspaper, received a CBE.

:: Dan 8.7.03 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post]    ::
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Wow, that site has some insane news on it.

Pig boat goes up in flames. Kristopher Schau said: "The strong reactions are fully understandable. I once dropped a pork chop in the sink and it made me furious".
Skull found in kindergarten The fact that teacher is a bearded woman is glossed over, obviously not strange enough.
Man masturbated in taxi - driver went off the road. Halfway through this story it mentions he also tried to rape and murder the driver but obviously that's not an acceptable reason for her to lose her concentration when driving.
Animal heads hung on church gate. "The churchwarden called the police who came to take photos of the animal heads." And what? Laugh and them and show them to their mates?
Woman 100 percent incapable of employment after carrying dead foetus "in tummy" for nine weeks
The Norwegian state is sponsoring sex aids for disabled people. But do they have political slogans printed across them?
Man is said not to have had any clear motif for murdering his wife, splitting the corpse in two parts, putting them in the trunk of his car and driving to work. Can you design a motif for him? It might make him feel better about turning himself in.
Man obsessed with tram diver
Naked men threaten people with axe
Americans love Norwegian sperm

:: Dan 8.7.03 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post]    ::
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What do you do with your pet pig once it dies? You can't eat him, that would be wrong.
The right thing to do would be to fill it with foam, put waterwings on it, strap an outboard motor to it's arse, use it as a boat and get animal rights on your back........ obviously

:: popcorn 8.7.03 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post]    ::
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I heard on the news this morning that surgeons have successfully separated the heads of the conjoined twins from Iran. Surely getting them out of Iran was the easy bit?
Update: Not so successul after all.

:: Dan 8.7.03 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post]    ::
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Senser are back!

:: Dan 7.7.03 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post]    ::
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Algorithm for Determining Imagination from Reality

:: Dan 7.7.03 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post]    ::
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The Grid will be switched on in less than two weeks time, allowing scientists at CERN access to the "biggest development in global communication" since the internet was created. It is predicted that this could give normal home users with cheap computers "access to more power than currently exists in the Pentagon" in just a few years time (sort of).

We may now have to pay for the privilege of having a national Identity Entitlement Card.

:: Dan 7.7.03 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post]    ::
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