:: GussetBLOG ::

:: Monday, April 30, 2007 ::

Sugababes Combat Assault Dolls?

I've not really posted anything about Sugababes since the sad news that the beautiful Mutya left the band. (I've just tagged all previous references for ease. Is there a tool that will do that automatically?) Well, the new one has been arrested for assault. You would never have caught the lovely Mutya doing that I'm sure.

In the process of searching for the best link to that story I found the China Daily reporting about a proposed Sugababes Barbie doll range, hoped to out sale the Girls Aloud range (that for the record I didn't know existed). I'm only posting the link because I like the photo in the story.



It says they each designed their own doll. Is the Amelle Berrabah Assault Doll in full urban combat fatigues and wearing a knuckle duster? If not I think it should be.

Labels: Humour, Sugababes

:: Dan 30.4.07 [Arc] [1 comments] [links to this post] ::
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Thanks to Spokesy for the text last night:
Spokes: 'I'm sorry to hear the bad news. You must be devastated. I thought of you immediately when I heard what had happened. How could she do it? Mutya leaving.'
Dan: 'Did I not tell you I asked her to join gusset?'
Spokes: 'Let me guess. She said no.'
Dan: 'I think her exact words were "stop following me!"'

It's not strictly true I asked her to sing for us, but the offer is open if she wants to. In the unlikely event* any one related to Buena management reads this please take note that Gusset would love to write and produce Mutya's come back solo dance single. Breakcore is ready to hit the charts and a sultry, slightly dirty looking, female lead is all that's needed to get it there.

* Although I did meet their PR agent at a Capitol K gig once and she tried to teach me to dance, so I guess it's not totally out of the realms of possibility.

This news has completely upset my planned Sugababes Fetish post, which I've been concocting in the darker recesses of my mind over the past couple of weeks.

I was overjoyed when the Mrs came home from work to tell me that the babes had been made the new faces - or legs? - of Pretty Polly. An unhealthy amount of time trawling the net later, finding no reference to this on either the Pretty Polly or the Sugababes sites, and only a scattering of gossip news articles (did you know that Rachel Stevens was the face of Pretty Polly in 2003?) I delved into the murky underworld the fan forums [1 2 3 4]. There I found these two images and a grubby scan from a paper.



[Edit 24.12.05: Better scan found]



[Edit 24.12.05: More detail: Mutya, Heidi, Keisha]

Not exactly what I was hoping for. I guess the combination of Mutya and patterned tights (or pantyhose as our American friends, and hence most of the internet, call them) was just too sexy for the net and would act like some kind of deadly worm that would bring the whole thing down. I guess this means the contract is now void and we'll never know what further wonders could have been created. =[

Labels: Sugababes

:: Dan 22.12.05 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post] ::
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Drowned in Sound - News - Buena jumps Sugababes ship
OK, not that shocking, but I can't let it pass without comment. I'm wearing my black armband now.

Labels: Sugababes

:: Dan 21.12.05 [Arc] [1 comments] [links to this post] ::
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I was shocked and stunned by Psychbloke’s assertion yesterday that the Sugababes would make the 'Top Ten Unattractive Bands' were it not for Heidi. I felt compelled to comment in Mutya's defence, as she is undoubtedly the most attractive pop star to ever suck her own fingers suggestively on Popworld. I sent the link to Slim (Simon) who elaborated further. He also sent me the following link as he is having trouble blogging recently thanks to his new eMac. (Apparently some of the buttons are missing. Presumably the right mouse button.) So here's the link: Blame Mutya.

Labels: Sugababes

:: Dan 2.9.04 [Arc] [1 comments] [links to this post] ::
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Mutya Buena fans in Bristol should be aware that Sugababes are performing at the Balloon Fiesta, Ashton Court, Thus 12 Aug, betweem 2 and 9 pm. Some other people might be there as well.
*Mmmm, Mutya*

Labels: Sugababes

:: Dan 9.8.04 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post] ::
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The (ex-Sugababe) Siobhan Donaghy publicity machine cranks up another gear. Read why she thinks she is "turning into a scummy girl" and if you’d like to judge whether it’s true or not watch the video for the new single Twist of Fate which is linked from the bottom of the page. (I haven’t seen it yet so I can’t comment. I have, however, seen the new Sugababes video which is a pretty poor video for a below average song, but it does feature the girls wearing thigh-high leather boots and includes gratuitous Mutya footage if you like to see women with talons that could slice your neck if you don’t please them. Worth a look.)

Nice line up on Channel 4’s Outside strand tonight, if you like films about Geisha, Rent Boys, American Vampires, Contacting the Dead or the Mountains of Wales (what’s that doing in there?) that is. The one that will be of particular interest to Slim is "Goths Make Better Lovers" (link will only work today) at 01:15 which could give you an insight into the mind (like you need it) of your black clothed, hypochondriac, chain smoking, BO infested, work partner you struggle to understand so much. (Note: I don’t have a problem with Goths, Goth girls in particular are hot, which is why I’m going to watch that film, but the ex-college referred to above is a disgrace to the race)

Labels: Sugababes

:: Dan 1.10.03 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post] ::
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Glasto review updated, now with added photos and Sugababes poetry.

Labels: Sugababes

:: Dan 14.7.03 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post] ::
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That news story about Norweigen sperm reminds me of something. As some of you know, The Wife works in a shop. This shop was closed for a refit recently and she had to work a few shifts sat in a garden shed in the car park turning customers away and directing them to other braches. Nasty customers got gift vouchers as appeasement, nice customers got nothing, the horrible injustice of this world sickens me I tell you... Anyway, she worked three shifts in this shed, each time stuck in there with a different security guard, from a agency, all of them African in origin, don’t ask what country, I don’t know and its not relevant to the story.
Day 1:
Security Guard #1: Hello
Wifelet #1: Hello
SG1: Are you married?
W1: Yes.
SG1: You are very beautiful. You husband is very luck man.
W1: Err... thankyou.
SG1: Any children?
W1: No.
SG1: Oh. Why not?
W1: We don’t want any right now, but we have two very cute nephews blah blah.

Day 2:
Security Guard #2: Hello
Wifelet #1: Hello
SG2: Are you married?
W1 (not again?): Yes.
SG2: You are very beautiful. You husband is very luck man.
W1 (whatever): Thankyou.
SG2: Any children?
W1: No.
SG2: Oh. Why not?
W1: We don’t want any right now, but we have two very cute nephews blah blah.

Day 3:
Security Guard #3: Hello
Wifelet #1: Hello
SG3: Are you married?
W1 (here we go, reluctant sigh): Yes.
SG3: You are very beautiful. You husband is very luck man.
W1 (yeah, right. Get on with it): Thankyou.
SG3: Any children?
W1: No.
SG3: Oh. Is there something wrong with sparm?
W1 (must have misheard, must have said something about spam): What!?
SG3: You know, sparm? Biology? (Mimes sperm swimming movement with index finger)
W1: Er, no. Not as far as I know. We haven't tried.
SG3 (shocked): You haven't tried?
W1: No, err, I'm on the pill. You know, it stops it...
SG3 (puzzled): Ooh. You know that’s not good. Some women can never have children after taking that blah blah.
W1: Shut up! Leave me alone! I don’t want to talk to you about this! How dare you cast aspirations about my husband's virility!? I’m sure he could impregnate many, many, many women all at the same time if he chose to do so. Especially if they included Christina Ricci and Polly Harvey and Kate Winslet and Mutya from the Sugababes and...

OK, so I’m paraphrasing. But I’m sure the conversation ended something like that, you get the idea.

What is the obsession with having children? Why are we obliged to do it? Will we rot in some kind of elderly childless person hell for not fulfilling this obligation?

Labels: Humour, Sugababes

:: Dan 9.7.03 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post] ::
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Back from Glastonbury, with healthy glow of a farm laborer about me, and their might be a whole new mini site dedicated to "Salad Girl" if the photos I surreptitiously took of the girl seen taking 20 mins to eat almost none of a small salad come out ok. I was there with Simon (posts here occasional) and his brother Paul (who I’ll be adding to the team soon), so they might have some more interesting incites.

The most interesting event this year came about when watching Ozomatli on the Pyramid stage on Saturday morning. Stood in a fairly spread out crowd minding my own business I felt something hit the back of my legs as it was dropped to the ground. I looked round partly out of curiosity and partly just to check I wasn’t in any ones way, and saw that what had knocked me was a rucksack with a bundle of clothes tied to it. I glanced upwards to see who the owner of the bag was and was greeted with the view of a totally naked unattractive middle-aged hippy woman bouncing around. I grinned to myself and turned back to watch the band as if this was nothing of great interest. A 30ish American guy standing in front of me wearing a Woodstock 99 T-shirt got prodded in the back by the woman as she probably assumed him to be a like minded soul, but he smiled politely then joined the people trying to ignore her, a small circle clearing around her. Five or so minutes later I felt someone hit my elbow. I glace round again to see the hippy woman had managed to kick me in the elbow as she was led on her back with her legs in the air....wait for it..... fingering herself. I turned away again and shuffled a little further away, the circle around her widening all the time. I dared not look (probably in a very stuck up typically English sort of way despite how liberal I like to think of myself as) for another five minutes or so. I could see other people in front of me glancing backwards and downwards occasionally and the looks on their faces confirming she is was still there. A young skater girl looking not unlike Avril "most miserable teenager alive" Lavigne contorted her face to a degree I cant even say I’ve seen young Avril manage, her hairline practically touching her eyebrows, and looking as if she was gagging on her own tongue, about to throw up at any moment. The next I see of the naked woman she has moved in front of me and singled out a young black girl to "join her", although I couldn’t really hear what she was asking it was obvious the none naked girl found the request unacceptable. A few more words exchanged and the hippy woman is holding the girls hand and forcing her to dance, albeit visibly reluctant in doing so. This doesn’t last long before the hippy woman starts rubbing herself up against the poor girl, who decides to grab her bag and make a run for it. The hippy woman disappeared after that. I'm not sure what happened thereafter, but in that midday sun, she probably burnt things I don’t want to think about.

Highlights:

The scheduled DJ set by AFX (poor photo) in the Glade on Saturday night was great, and it looked like he enjoyed it as well, grinning and waving to everyone when he came up. He played loads of old rave type classics, a few breaks, then some jungle, and the nuts stuff to finish of. I missed the second set he did later on where he apparently wasn’t allowed to play any beats (after 3am) so did all the Bjork fan scaring noise stuff then slowly relaxed into chilled ambient stuff to finish. Apparently this got some heckles from the crowed and he started insulting people and playing hideous distortion at them.

Squarepusher (The Reaper Jenkinson) worked his magic, although didn’t kill anyone as far as I’m aware. Mental bass riffs, not as abrasive as last years set, turned into a bit of a mosh pit at the end and the organisers had to stop the set and tell everyone to back off a bit, or as Tom put it "please rewind yourselves in terms of you spatial positioning... otherwise some mother fuckers gonna get it, mother fucker." Good fun had by all. (For those who care the set included (as far as I could identify tracks); Dimontane Co, I Wish You Could Talk, and Anstromm-Feck 4, new stuff and a whole load more)
Photos: 1 2 3 Kit.

Brushing over the other stuff:
The Cooper Temple Clause were pretty good but not spectacular. Electric Six were great when they were playing their best known stuff, but some of the other tracks were really just filler, over time I imagine they’ll develop a whole set of track as good as Remote Control Me, Danger! High Voltage! and Gay Bar. The cover of Radio Ga Ga was ill-advised. Mighty Ging, billed as “Bristol hip hop massive,” were surpisingly good when I stumbled across them (recommended viewer at Ashton Court Festival this year), a five piece all ginger funky hip-hop band, with the same kind of grove that made Crazy Gods of Endless Noise great. The Hybrid set (featuring Peter Hook) was ruined for me by their guitarist/front man being such a twat, but saved by a power cut as soon as Hooky started his ridiculous posturing. I’m not really an REM fan but they sounded OK considering. The Polyphonic Spree were utter bullshit, how can you have 23 members of a band without ONE who can sing? Turin Brakes were good. Plaid were very good, nice visuals as well. Lenigrad Cowboys were hilarious, photo should explain why. Asian Dub Foundation (or Asian Job Seekers as Slim so kindly put it) were alright in small doses but got dull. Ex-Sugababe Siobahn Donaghy was alright but hadn’t really got going when we had to run to see the remaining Sugababes, who were great, a much better set than the Bristol gig a couple of months ago, and Mutya wiggled her ass, what more do I need to say?

Sugababes poetry corner
Oh Mutya,
Oh Mutya,
Oh Mutya,
Oh Mutya,
Oh Mutya,
Oh Mutya,
And your arse.

Beth Gibbons and Rustin’ Man (Paul Webb of Talk Talk) were fantastic, well worth having to listen to Carys Matthews over running to see, a brilliant, haunting set, Beth somehow managing not to smoke until the last track, and her banter with the crowed was as incoherent as ever.

The DJ set that I think was Chris Clark was hilarious, all 90’s rave classics and techno versions of rock classics (including Money for Nothing and a Slayer track, I think it was Raining Blood) all being played by some old graying guy with a white tash who had to put reading glasses on and squint at the mixer, wearing a baseball cap and a UFO covered sweater and doing all the wavy arm dancing and some strangely literal mining. (Some dancers) He looked scarily like my father-in-law, but fair play to the man, it was a good set.
Bill Bailey was excellent, the crowd wouldn’t let him leave the stage, (possibly partly through fear that the next act might be as bad as the Mary Poppins impersonator who was on before), and he played plenty of his classic song pieces, including his ode to prog rock, The Leg of Time.

And finally, A Cooks Tour. OK, so it’s totally unrelated to Glastonbury, but I’ve been trying to find time to read this for ages and thanks to the Friday being very slow I finally finished the book having got less than halfway through in the previous three months. It’s an essential read for anyone interested in cooking, eating good food and a bit of travel, and I’m glad to say that British food doesn’t come off as badly was you might expect.

EDIT: Photos and additional text added :: Dan 12.7.03

Labels: Glastonbury, Sugababes

:: Dan 2.7.03 [Arc] [0 comments] [links to this post] ::
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